Today is a New Day

My new goal is to be in control of everything I eat or drink for month of May, starting today. As long as I feel good about eating it, I can eat it. I know what is good and what is bad. Now let's see if I can control myself and actually make good choices.

I have a lot of bad eating habits. that is why I wanted to try to lose weight without dieting. I really thought I could, but here we are, almost a year of solid exercise and dedication, and I am no better off than I was a year ago. Guess I proved one point - you can not lose weight through exercise alone. In fact, exercise has not really done anything for me, so now the focus is shifting completely.

I am still training for the 5k and plan on exercising Monday to Friday.

I am doing this a little different. Everyone will see my struggle. I am going to just come here and edit this post all day as needed when I have an urge to eat wrong or whatever.

Let's start now:

I just got the kids off to school. It is about 7:30am. I have had nothing to eat or drink yet today. A complete clean slate. It is my choice where to go from here because I have a lot from which to choose. I know I should eat, but I am not hungry at all. I am the type of person that if I am not hungry, I can not get anything down. I think this is why I drink so many calories. I never really feel hungry. I bought shredded mini wheats because I love them and they make a great breakfast, but not in the mood for them right now. I think I will have some water to wash down a water pill - I am seriously retaining major water. We will start there. I also know I am in need of coffee sometime soon.

8:15 - Okay, not too long after I last wrote. I have been in the kitchen a few times and keep thinking that I need to eat something. I got in this habit last week of heading to McD's every morning for an iced coffee and a biscuit sandwich. I know this is not the best choice at all, but my mind keeps going there. I keep thinking that I want to get in the car and head there. I am feeling a little hungry. I have 8 ounces of water down and 8 more in my cup. I know I have mini wheats in there to eat. Not sure. My head hurts a little and my tummy is starting to growl, so I need to do something. I think I am going to look up some calories and compare my options.

10:00 - I still have not eaten anything. My water is gone. I am struggling. Here is the deal - if I eat the mini wheats that is about 300 calories. Now, I know how I am, if the mini wheats are not what I really want then I will just sit here and obsess about eating what I really want and then I will end up eating it and only be adding up the calories. I am not one for empty eating. If I want something I eat it because I know if I don't I will end up just eating things to try to make myself forget about what I really want and then in the end I will end up eating it anyway and have racked up a lot more calories than I would have if I would have just eaten what I wanted in the first place. AHHHHH!!! This is going to drive me insane. I swear. I checked on the calories count for the McD's - horrible. So, what the heck do I do? I am driving myself crazy. I am thinking about holding off and heading to McD's for lunch - surprisingly eating lunch there can be far less damaging than breakfast. Just a half hour. I feel like crap because all I have in me for the day is 2 glasses of water. I've managed to scare myself so much I don't want to eat anything.

10:30 - Okay, didn't go anywhere. I had a fried bologna sandwich with cheese and mustard. I also had a rice pudding (sugar free) and this latte that I whipped up myself - it is yummy.

2:24- Made it through to now okay. I am having a boston creme pie sugar free pudding before the kids get home. I have been working so I grabbed some more water. Drank another 8 ounces. Had another special coffee drink, too.

6:07 Went for a walk around 4. Just finished supper - a taco lasagna thingy. Drank a pop. Have some cake for a snack while I watch tv tonight. Probably will have milk with that or maybe more water.

I bought a 24 hour detox to take tomorrow. Wish me luck. I've never done a detox, but I have nowhere to go, so I think I handle it.

9:05 - I did have that cake and I had a total of 3 pops this evening, but that is a far cry from where I've been. I also think I may hold off for the detox until the weekend. I am not sure how it will work and I don't want to risk having to miss my walk tomorrow. So, weekend for that.