Taking a Break - Obviously

I have not posted for a little bit, not because I haven't been around or anything, but because this obsession with food, exercise and weight loss is really getting to me. I just have to stop focusing on it so much. When I focus I seem to do the worst.

A few years ago I lost a lot of weight. Right after my husband died I was up to a high weight. I am not sure the exact weight because I never really weighed myself, but it was around 200 pounds. I wore a size 20. Then in December of that year I decided I needed to lose weight. All I really did was start thinking about losing. I did not exercise. I did not diet. Some of the changes that I can remember (because I did not focus in on losing so therefore there was no plan) are - not eating bread with dinner, eating breakfast on most days (usually it was bacon and eggs and toast - didn't eat lunch often) and rarely eating fast food. I have really been thinking about this because by the end of that summer I was down to a size 12 - comfortable. I went from a size 20 to a size 12 without a diet and without exercise! Now, I am almost back to where to I started.

Now, I am stressing over every little thing I put in my mouth. I am counting calories, fat grams, carbs. I am telling myself I can not eat certain things. I am exercising all the time. I am gaining weight - NOT losing it.

I can only believe that it is the constant obsession with losing weight that is holding me back. When I lost all that weight I didn't give it a second thought until I started to notice my pants were falling off and people kept telling me how thin I looked.

So, I can not do this anymore. I need a break from the obsession. I have to step back and take some time to just chill out. If I don't I am going to get bigger and drive myself crazy.