Rolin', rollin', rollin'

Today was a stepping stone. I got in my 70 minutes of exercise just fine. I have only drank 2 pops. I am feeling rather energized. Ready to amp it up tomorrow with tae bo again. Made my training schedule so I can start running next week. Oh... yeah... only 2 pops today people!!! I am cutting back again. 2 weeks at 3 a day was cool, but my goal was 2 a day by the end of the month, so I have to get crackin'.

Stay with me here there is a related point in this - I have realized that hate is the single most powerful emotion. I know people will say, what about love? Let me just point out that love is all great and crap, but whenever a person thinks they are truly motivated by love, isn't hate always lingering? What about the mother who says her mission to stop drunk drivers because her son was killed by one is a mission of love for his memory? Don't you think somewhere in there it is really hate for the drunk driver that did it? What about parents motivated to find a cure for an illness that is killing their child? They may love their kid, but they hate the disease. I have went over and over this in my head. Hate beats out love every time in my eyes. Anyway, the point here is that I have discovered my motivation and why I am so on track these days. It is hate. I hate how I look. I hate how guys use me because I hate myself so much that I am afraid to stand up for myself and afraid if I don't let them use me that I will be alone forever. I hate pop ruling my life. I hate feeling like I have to always be counting a calorie or a carb or a fat gram. I hate the cycles of losing and gaining. I hate feeling that my body is weak. I hate men, but that is a whole other blog post. You get the point. Hate is my motivation and while it may not be the most healthy motivator it is the only one that has worked.